Had been feeling like writing a post since days ago, yet find either no time or will to write -_-" And in the end I piled up all the topic I want to write about -_-

Let's start with the unpleasant one, so we can end up on a lighter note :P

Last year, I found out that working with people you cannot really get along with may ruin the schtroumpf between you for good, despite it being good or at least neutral before you had to work together. I had a good relationship turned neutral, and a neutral one turned sour. Ugh. Things do turn out ugly at times.

Sometimes I regret asking him to join the group. It apparently ruined my friendship with him. Although I had not been very close with him from the start, there were times when we understand each other because of the similarities we have that no one else in the crowd we are in shares. Now...looking at how things turn out, I don't even talk to him anymore. Funny how life goes.

Ok. Enough schtroumpf things.

When I went to YJC CVD yesterday, someone found me: AMANDA. Omg. And Kah Yun was there too, as a visitor. Like, wow. Those two TKD friends of mine, my closest juniors in MF! :D I totally lost contact with them after I lost my phone and hence their schtroumpf in August last year. Tried asking other juniors I know with no results. So I was left with no idea where they are and how they are doing. Well, fate works its magic and we met yesterday. Woo! :D :D

Rewind to Thursday and you'll find me finally getting away with 171cm for standing broad jump. It had always been the station which gave me the most problem: my record was 165cm, usually I get 150+ or 160cm. My passing mark is 156cm this year. Last year I failed NAPFA for the first time ever just because of this schtroumpf. Well, last Thursday I jumped 167 and 171cm. Woah. Not as far as more than half my friends did, obviously, but comparing with my past results, it really made my day. Thanks to KS for the tips; it's more than just tips, it gave me courage to overcome my fear and anxiety! :P ((:

Ok. Left another topic or two.

WARNING: the following part may not be suitable for people like Button -_-"" I'm serious. You've been warned.

NS. Last week I spent around four days thinking and researching about it before finally coming into a conclusion. I started by thinking about how tough it will be, what are the chances that our relationship can make it, what are the common difficulties faced and hence what should be done to prevent a break-up during that period of time.

"Research" here means LOTS of googling, reading LOTS of forum pages and talking to relevant people including even....never mind. Well, my "research" results were as follows.

Most people said that 90% relationships usually cannot make it past NS. A common difficulty for the girl is how the guy may not be there when she needs him to be. A common difficulty for the guy is thinking how the girl may meet and fall for another guy in the working world/university, where she is out in the open and have a new world to explore. However, the key difficulty lies in communication problem, as the couple may not see each other as often as before, and the fact that when they do, the guy may be too tired to go out, or chat, or anything at all. Communication problem often exarcebates the girl's problem of needing the guy's care, and the guy's problem of possible jealousy.

So. From the gist of it, trust is the most crucial thing in order for a relationship to work out. That, and strength, loyalty and patience. The girl's ought to trust the guy when he's on overseas training, for example, and must be strong to go through weeks without him. She must be loyal to him no matter what kind of guys are around her and be patient when he's tired out after a week's training. On the other hand, the guy must trust that the girl will be loyal to him, be strong enough to go through trainings and yet spend some time with the girl when time permits. He must be loyal too, and be patient when the girl demands care and attention.

Of course, easier said than done. That's what haunts my mind as I formulated all these. I mean, if it's that easy, why would the percentage of break-up reach as high as 90%? Ok, here goes the "Button is warned" part.

My conclusion is that we are different. There is no use comparing us to other couples, because our case is unique. Where many cases involve couples from the same school who sees each other every single day, we don't. And where in many cases, couples had never gone on weeks of never seeing each other, we had. True, there's MSN, but hey, we've made it before, not seeing each other for 3 weeks. Yet I know it may be nothing compared to what's up next year. And I'm suddenly reminded of my studies of Southeast Asian History and how the nations gained independence and then form their own political structures. The experience of the nations may be similar in nature, yet all reached various degrees of successes. We may be up to experiences similar to other couples next year, yet the results may not be the same.

You're someone worth waiting for. Your friends said you're a good guy, and I couldn't agree more with them. I don't know. Maybe it's in the way you handle things, take up challenges, treat other people, your sense of responsibility, how gentle you are (apparently this may be one of the first things that really got me :P), I don't know for sure, but I love you. My heart is telling me that I should hold on and wait for you during those two years. I'm determined to make it through. I'm no fortune-teller, but I'm willing to give it a try. We'll take our chances and try our best! (:

I look up to you in many ways, not just literally because you're taller :P I guess I even run properly during PE, ashamed, thinking about how much you exercise as compared to me :P Haha xD

Looking forward to Wednesday!! (:

-vNs-

When faced with a challenge, one can either run away or tries one's best to be stronger and thus overcome the challenge.

I decided to use whatever time I have left to grow stronger. By next year, hopefully I will never ever again cry out of loneliness, etc etc. I will NOT back down. I really want to grow stronger.

It's not only about me. It's more about you. About us, too (:

You asked me a question a long time ago. I kept it safely locked in my memory: your question, and my answer.

There's not much time left to prepare for A's, and the same goes with this. Preparation has to start from now! (:

Power up power up! I'll grow up and wipe away leftovers of my childish tears!

Schtroumpf up! :D

Haha. I drank grapefruit, the "jerk"! xD

"Hi, Grapefruit! Hi, Grapefruit! Mouth!!!"

-vNs-

Truth be told, I had begun the process of blog-background making, but too lazy to continue it -.-" Lol. Alright, alright. Maybe someday. Maybe during the March "holiday".

I just realised. Introducing gets me more nervous than being introduced. By tenfolds. Haha. Everything will be alright ;) I think.

Aaaah. There are just so many things I want to do after I graduate. Resume learning Chinese is one. Take up a new musical instrument, maybe. Most probably flute. (I think if I go for drums I won't be able to coordinate -_-" I got bad hands-feet coordination -_-) Buy and play the Sims 3. Hahaha. Try to get a job at a music shop or pet shop or Sistic :P Save up money and probably even buy an iPhone :P

And the list goes on and on. Schtroumpf!!

Anyway, my engine is up and running now. Mugging alone in school is not a problem. Mugging during weekends (not alone!) is also not a problem ;) I am worried about the results I'll be getting next year, but I guess that as long as I give it a try, I won't be down with regrets the day I got it back. True, now that my two most favourite teachers don't teach my class anymore, I feel no connection whatsoever with any teacher. And I don't have as many friends to mug together as I had in Mayflower. But I guess I've adapted somehow. I miss those days, when teachers are like a substitute for parents for me in Sg, and when friends are like a substitute for siblings. Then again, now I do have a family in Sg, not in school, but I know I'm not alone.

Yea. Actually, seeing how it is in school and how I am struggling with schoolwork, I doubt my A results will be awesome. But I just have to try.

Gogogo!! :D

-vNs-

Hi again (finally). No, I didn't die :P I just sort of had a lot of things to schtroumpf @.@

But well, with essays knocked out and concert planning in progress, I still have tutorials to do. Lalala. And with lack of sleep, of course. That comes together with school :P

Anyway. Today's Friday! Yeehaw! :D

Ugh. I still need to go back to schtroumpf for conversational Chinese class (last one before we go back to Malay class T.T) and CCA....

Went home to tidy up laundry. Haha. And packed up ;)

Power up!

-vNs-

My goodness. Had a terrible, terrible dream last night :/ It was so real that only when I suddenly woke up in the middle of the night that I realised it was just a dream ._.

Lol. I don't know why I dream what I dreamed. Blame my two friends in guitar? -_-"" LOL. Never mind, a dream's just a dream x) It's obviously not a wish my heart makes.

Okok. Have to fight for another two more days, 1 1/2 days of lessons. A long weekend awaits at the end! ((:

Jiayou us! :D

No, not U.S. Us.

-vNs-

At that point of time, all I want is to hear your voice. To chat with you, about anything at all. Make me laugh.

Well, the things I thought would be chaotic turned out to be okay, and instead, there were other unexpected things that cracked the wall I had built.

Yet after the walk home, I know I will be fine. Cos, well, one thing I love about joining guitar is the people I meet. Some are simply awesome. I will be fine. I am not alone, and I have my friends as pillars of support. We'll make it together (:

It's tough, sure, but now that I am where I am, I might as well give it a try and do my best, no?

At times, I feel like what I have been doing lately is setting my mindset to make things right. At other times, I feel like what I am doing is bottling things up and keeping my thoughts to myself. If that's the case, that means I had exploded today. But, can I choose to think about it in another way? I am just tired. I just need some rest. I still have my friends around to support me and everything will be fine in the end.

Yea. I just need rest.

And I need your lame jokes ;) Hahas x)

Ok. Back to mindsetting and dinner, a rarity on Tuesday night :P

-vNs-

If I think about every single stressful thing, I won't live long, I tell you :X But life is about making choices, right? I can simply choose not to schtroumpf about the things that drive me mad. For example, CCA stress is never ending. But I can choose to look at CCA in a different light, remembering the times I enjoy in there, instead of stressing myself with all the expectations.

Same goes with other aspects in life. Life can't be so bad, can it? (:

Woohoo, got a friggin 34/50 for the GP essay which question I was not so sure about x)) I did it the history way (organization-wise and examples) and got a high B :P Although, well, as always, the teacher wrote: "I wish there are more current examples." I believe this is at least the third time I got such comments from at least three different teachers ._. I'm a History student after all, eh? :P

I have no idea how tomorrow will be like. If I think about it now, I'll expect it to be chaotic. But! If I think that way, then that's the way it will be, or at least feel like, to me. So...I got another seven hours to brainwash myself and clear my mind from negative thoughts!! ((:

I miss you. Again.

-vNs-

Lol. I almost died during History lecture today, what's with terms such as balance of payment, something-something effect (see, I forgot already -_-), dollar peg, and all stuff about exchange rates and the actions governments took to sort of control them. I mean, I can understand slowly, but heck, History lecture caught me dumbstricken -.-" Lol. Some more there were only two students who take H2 History and do not take Econs, Jundi and me, and since Jundi knows everything, he can simply be considered as an Econs student :P

I took action straight away and borrowed Kally's econs lecture notes. Haha. Got the gist of it now. But seriously, I am contented with being a history student and I totally don't regret my decision not to take econs -_-"

My amp is home~! :D Lugged it from school just now :P Oh yea btw I was not dismissed early, it's just that I went home for my 1 1/2 hour break :P Must go back in 15 mins' time for 2 hr of Chem lesson :(

Till later then! (:

-vNs-

I suddenly remember. If I decorate the class straight after maths, and then go straight to Chinese class, and then to CCA J1 Audition, and then to CNY rehearsal, that will mean that I have only 1/2 hour break in the morning, a mere 30 mins for a school day that starts at 7.25AM and ends at 7PM+. Lol. Must smuggle food in-between!

I may complain when I get too busy, but then again, I guess I don't like having nothing to do either :P So, well, just have to go through tomorrow somehow! (:

Functions. Functions. Functions. A kind of topic I may like. It reminds me of polynomials, my favourite chapter in A.Maths last time :P But yea. With a burnt brain and a drained physique, I have no idea how I am going to start doing it.

Maybe I should get some schtroumpf for now and do some questions in the morning? :/

Strong and happy and strong and happy and strong and happy.

Haha. Today was quite a schtroumpf day again ;)

And people whom I talk to about something unrelated added a comment on Rubber Band's performance yesterday. The most commonly used word for these comments is 'cool' x) Hehehehes :P

Stability. Stabilo.

Photos! I want those photos!!! Rawr! <3

-vNs-

I couldn't schtroumpf a single thing before GP lecture today except that I felt sleepy -_-" But yea, after GP lecture was lunch, and then....preparation for performance :D soundcheck + rehearsal + change to performance attire ;)

Now this is luck. Damn lucky. Wow. Haha. Or maybe not. Will see tomorrow at 7.30pm! ;)

Oh and anyway, so schtroumpf.....tomorrow's Rubber Band first performance! ._. And also my first performance with electric guitar. Third with guitar, excluding the CCA carnival one, cos that one's more like busking xD

Nail clippers. Now!

Whenever unpleasant things happen these days, I just kept muttering the words "strong" and "happy" inside my mind like some psychotic schtroumpf freak -_-" But cos it kind of works in cooling down my temper, I guess I should just schtroumpf it :P

All in all, I am just trying to enjoy life. Been rather schtroumpf so far, and so...I think I should just continue what I'm doing?

Gogogogo for tomorrow, for both you and I! (:

-vNs-

Another schtroumpfed day! :D And remembering that it's Monday, it's quite outstanding :P

I got another birthday greeting + present today, this time from my bandmates! :D I really, really love the birthday card xD And to know that even Zuler wrote on the card is a something, because usually I am the 'connector' between the Indo girls and the Sg guys. Haha.

And what Zl wrote kept me laughing the half of Physics lecture. Zoom in!

LOL. That's just so him xD Well, when I read anyone's writings/sms/IMs, it's usually as if I can hear their voice talking to me. In this case, those words are really of Zl's voice. Lol!

I love presents, but I love love love handwritten cards x3

Oh yea. Here's what they wrote at the back of the card:
"We know you like gummies :)
We know you like writing/doodling on a notebook :)
We know you are 'V' :)
We know you, Vanessa :D"
Doesn't that sound like I'm being stalked? O.O HAHAHA jkjk xD Lol! (Each of the sentences refers to each one of the presents I got from them.)

It feels like every year, my birthday extends over a few days :D Thanks so much for the 19th birthday greetings, cake, dinner, song and presents, everyone! x) Being nineteen can't be so bad :3

Tutorials!!!

-vNs-