Post-As
Monday, November 29, 2010 11:13 PM
Yoohoo! (:
The fight is over. As is over :D I didn't feel much excitement though, the peak of my excitement was three weeks ago, after I went through the day with both Maths and History papers :P After that everything was better.
Well, overall, Chem was difficult (and so thought everyone else), GP, Physics and History felt usual, and Maths was easier than expected. Then again, there'll be moderation and all, so I totally won't know my grades until next year in March :P
So many things to do, so little time. I need to renew my passport, practise guitar, apply for a job, etc etc. Play games too XD
Yep. Excuse me while I try to catch elekid X)
-vNs-
Last Tears
Saturday, November 6, 2010 8:49 PM
It was raining when I went home. I felt so tempted to walk under the rain and let it wash my mind of my sorrow. I chucked in my history notes inside my bag so it wouldn't get wet.
And then I surprised myself by going along with my better judgment and took out my umbrella instead. "It's two days before A Levels, vNs, and you already have a cough."
I remembered around the same time two years ago I walked slowly under the rain, feeling as blue as I could ever felt.
This time, it may not be of the same magnitude (yet?), but it is the same pain.
It is not the first time he said the same thing.'
When you tell a girl something that hurts her, it will stay. Even if you don't mean it, it's been said and done. And forgiving is easier than forgetting.
Everyone's stressed. Maybe I am too, although I've seen worse cases in many.
At times like this I'm reminded of why I came here.
People who are apart from you can't hurt you. Only those around you can.
The closer you are, the larger the chance of you getting hurt.
True, they say the joy multiplies too. But I know that in many cases, distance doesn't matter. In fact, distance helped me forge better relationships with many.
I'm scared. I'm out of my comfort zone. I've been out for more than a year. Most of the times, it's alright. It was nice.
But there are moments like this that makes me feel like running away as far as I can.
I was born a single fighter. Nobody can change me, not in a year. In twenty years, maybe, but will I last twenty years?
No more. No more until 29 November, 2pm.
After that I can cry a river, cry an ocean, who cares. I can drench myself under the rain, purposely walk out in a storm.
I just need to get through these three weeks first.
-vNs-
Time
Not yet. After all this is over, the bucket can spill all it wants. I can even kick it, who cares. Just not yet.
I shouldn't be down. If there is one thing I learned from AJ, it is that when you're stressed out, act on it. Your action is what matters. So I choose to put everything aside and go for the battle first. Then I can do whatever I want. Crying is now on the list. I just can't wait to finally have the time to cry. Haha.
If you can't live for your community (yet?), live for yourself. Don't do things just because others want you to. Do what you want.
And so, I'm fighting for myself.
-vNs-
The Last Leg
Tuesday, November 2, 2010 9:36 PM
Lonely.
As people panic for A Levels, I am feeling lonely -_-"
And I got enlightened. Did anyone ever think that loneliness breeds materialism? Well, it does not necessarily be manifested in the shopping-spree kind-of way. I just mean to say that for me, I tend to distract myself with material things when I feel lonely. Phone, laptop. Sometimes guitar and books, although somehow I find them amplifying my loneliness and so rarely resort to them.
I want to swear.
The big fight is looming ahead. Hopefully I can be a single fighter in time again. I should fight my all for that 22 days. Then I can celebrate all I want. Or cry what I want. Or do anything I want for that matter -_-"
I'm not in a very bad state either. Physics revision was done long ago. Maths was done some time ago (but need a little brushing up this week and next week). Chemistry was just done 2 days ago. This week's supposed to be for History. And a little GP. And a little Maths if I can afford to, but mainly focus on History.
I admit, when I say 'revision is done', it's still nothing compared to the level of preparation I felt I had for O Levels. But at least I've done what I can in this very limited time I spent for A's.
I should get myself mentally strengthened already.
Yet I don't have to panic. I don't need As to get where I want to (:
Of course As in Maths and GP would be much preferred :P
Am I settled, though, to go there?
Same old me. Always doubting my decisions until the very last minutes.
To everyone, including myself, fight on. Make your two years worthwhile. It's the end of your 12 years of basic education.
-vNs-
Veronica Vanessa